Blue Notebook

I found this blue notebook lying around. It is a diary i kept about my first visit to Kashmir after more than a decade in December 2000. Last time I was in Srinagar was in November first week (I guess) in 1989 when I had gone to visit my family from Pune where I was a student then. In November 1989, I had no inkling that this would be my last visit to a safe and peaceful Kashmir. One could hear a few stray bomb blasts in the night even than, I remember my brother casually referinng to one such bomb blast at dinner time as 'just a routine matter these days'. Next day I was to learn that some old building on The Bund near Amira Kadal bridge had been blasted. But that was then, now consigned to backlanes of memory.

Here, I will be posting the pages from my diary 'The Blue Notebook', which I will keep updating from time to time.

(UNDATED)
there's a war out there
and people are fighting
and dying for things they
believe
there are victims
and there are perpetrators

(DATED - 29/01/2001)
It could have been you dead or fighting
EMPATHY is the word - listen
you may hear stories that well may
be about you.

17/12/2000
Discussion at S's place tonight about Bangala immigrants, Periyer's anti-Brahmin movement in Tamil Nadu. Thoughts about my first Tamil friend Ganesh Iyer. M's comment (A Tamil Brahmin long settled in Delhi) "We deserved it."

18/12/2000 Delhi
On 16th when i left mumbai there was no mention of Kashmir in any of the major Newspapers. same thing yesterday. No news about kashmir. today - major headlines on front pages of all dailies scream. 'Hurriet leaders are positive about ceasefire', 'Hurriet leaders want ceasefire to lead to talks. (This was the Ramazan ceasefire announced by Atal Bihari Vajpayee)
The camera Equipment guy i went to for hiring his camera said he won't let me take it 'beacuse Kashmir is not safe. Our guy was beaten up somewhere in Anantnag a few months back.' So from now on, I am very hesitant about telling equipment guys here in Delhi that I am going to Kashmir, atleast will not volunteer that bit of information.

20/12/2000 Delhi.
Shalimar Express AS1-64, There will be things I'll notice anew when I am there. Thing's I did'nt know to look for..the particular colour and throw of the light, the quality of coldness and whether it has any impress on the character of the people...the colours of winter, the material and tangible evidence of fear of death or of hope in the gestures and eyes of the people.
When people in Delhi (strangers in hotels and restaurants) ask mw where I am going, I tell them ' mumbai'. I am still not very at ease with relling people that I am going to Kashmir after 1989, how many years? 11...
BS has offered that I could stay in his office (My Dad's office till he had to leave) for the duration of my stay in Kashmir. I'll go and find out. If it's too cold there I may have to decide to stay in some hotel.
'going home to stay in a hotel', the very idea seems mocking.
I have stayed in this office once in 1982 (June, around the time when India won the Cricket World cup trophy, as i remember this event too well) I think I was preparing for my 4th or 6th semester exam at the REC. This time when i'll go to REC or to my school or SP College, I'll find it empty. This is winter vacations there now.

To be updated...